Harder to Live

About ten minutes ago I finished a long and thought-out post about rejoicing in the midst of trials instead of simply rejoicing in hindsight.  It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot over the past few months.  I felt that it was worth it to stay up later to write it, even though I knew I’d be more tired tomorrow.  It probably took me an hour and a half to write, and I was relieved and satisfied when it was done.  It’s always good to think hard about something and to labor to express it, and I hoped it might be an encouragement and challenge to those of you currently facing difficult trials (which is everyone).  I finished the post with these words:

Everyone smiles at the rainbow.  But can you smile in the rain?

Five seconds after I clicked “Publish,” my post disappeared.  It was gone.  I searched my blog to see if it might’ve been saved somewhere, and I prayed that the Lord would bring it back so that it might serve as an encouragement.  But in His good pleasure, it’s gone for good.  A similar thing actually happened with a post from last week, but the next morning I woke up and found that the Lord had preserved it somehow.  All I had to do was re-post it.  I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen this time, though, judging by the looks of things.

So now I’m about to shut off my laptop, turn off the lights in my study, brush my teeth, and climb into bed.  And I’m asking myself the same question that I was going to ask you:

Everyone smiles at the rainbow.  But can you smile in the rain?

It’s harder to live the truth than to speak it.  Even though it was hard work to write the post, I enjoyed it.  But it’s much more laborious trying to embrace the pain of losing an hour and a half of work that I was satisfied with and that I had believed would be a fruitful act of service.

It’s going to be hard to go to sleep knowing that I put a lot of time and thought and energy and passion into something that vanished as quickly as I had finished it.  It’s also going to be hard to accept the fact that no one will be encouraged by what I had hoped would be an encouragement.  But this is what the Lord has chosen.

So now, in the few minutes that I’ll have between slipping under the covers and falling asleep, I hope to meditate on Job, to calm my heart, and to rediscover the joy that honors God most when exercised in pain and disappointment.  Everyone rejoices when life is good.  But when you lose something you love and you still rejoice, you show that your treasure is something greater than what you lost.  Even though what I “lost” was laughably small, may God stir this joy and sense this treasure in my heart tonight.

Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshiped.  He said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I shall return there.  The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away.  Blessed be the name of the LORD.”  Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God (Job 1:20-22).


4 thoughts on “Harder to Live

  1. Gunner,

    This is exactly what has challenged me as I continue to slowly wade into the waters of blogging–LIVING what I post!! There’s so much of God’s Word to share, so many lessons He has graciously taught us that we need/want to share. But there’s still that facet of “Living” what we share or have learned–to and for His glory.

    On a sidenote, I’ve “lost” so many things in cyberspace over the years, that I’m in the habit of hitting the “save as draft” button more times than I care to admit!!

    Keep pressing on!! I’m enjoying your blog! —Connie D. :-)

  2. Gunner, I always appreciate your posts because they get me to think. I admire your reaction as the Lord taught you the very same lesson you were hoping to share with all of your readers. Thank you for the time you put into your blog and even more than that, thank you for the time you (and Cindi) put into serving God with your lives.

    Even though I never had the opportunity to get to know either of you very well while I was at TMC, you both reminded me that I have so much to learn! Yet I’m sure you would say that you both have so much to learn :-) I pray that the Lord uses Happy & me greatly in the work of His Kingdom and I thank Him that He has and is using you & Cindi at TMC.

  3. You may have lost an 1 1/2 hrs work, but your heart quickly recovered its loss. I find myself looking for more on these pages! Your question of the rainbow and rain brought to mind a little memory.
    When I was a little girl I remember it was raining so hard one day and I asked, Mommy why does it rain? She answered, because God is crying and I asked Why is he crying? And she answered, he is cleaning the earth. I looked up into the sky and as the rain splashed my face I smiled back.

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